The first time I heard “Cool Jam” I was in the car with my friend and we were driving to breakfast. I remembered the song because it was catchy. The more I listened the more I fell in love with the lyrics.

 I heard this song shortly after cutting contact with a very important person in my life. Losing people had always been terrifying in my eyes. One thing I love more than anything is trying to be friends with as many people as possible and I absolutely hate having people dislike me. I think there is something good about everyone. So when I decided to remove myself from this old experience, it felt so out of character, but I also knew it was for the better. 

I sat in the car with my friend, I never realized how important she would become to me. She was the person I talked to about the situation and how I felt about it. I had never spoken to anyone about it and she made me feel like I could. She helped me see that it’s okay for things to come to an end and not everything has to work out. She helped me realize that as things end, there are many new opportunities that will come up. 

As I was thinking about this conversation we had, the words “This lonely star, It don’t flame like it used to, honey” came on. It was a sad lyric, but it didn’t seem sad. It seemed like a reflection or realization. I thought about how that part of my life had come to an end but also how something new could start. The star that is spoken about “doesn’t flame like it used to” but it is still burning. Even though it is clearly changed, it is there. It showed me that even though things were different, that okay. It’t not a bad thing to be different.

This mindset can be applied to people I lose, or gain. It can be applied to big decisions that will be made in the upcoming chapters of my life. It can sybolize any little change that makes an impact, all that matters is that you keep going. Change is scary and it’s hard. However, you can’t focus on the event that happened, only how you will choose to react and grow from it. 

I used to think about the obstacles that I felt were unfairly in my way and get upset. I would wonder why me? or what did I do to deserve these? If you choose to view challenges this way, you will never get past them. This simply stops your opportunities. This can been seen in sports. You can’t normally score a goal without getting past 4 or more people who are trying to stop you. If you just stopped when you saw a defender, you would never score. But when you score, it feels so accomplishing after you have beat them. If you scored on an open goal with no defenders, I’m sure it would be great, but it would never be the same as proving to yourself that you deserved that goal. Instead of focusing on the defender in front of me, I have learned to focus on trying to get past them.

This is similar to how I used to look back at the mistakes I made in the past and how I would beat myself up. I would wonder why I made some of the decisions I did. Then I realized, thinking about these mistakes and regretting them didn’t change anything. Wishing the past would change makes no difference. I had to realize the only thing I had control over was the future. A mistake teaches you how not to act if the situation were to appear again. It may never, but it also might. So, as my star’s flame continues to change, I will use the lessons I’ve learned from the past to lead me to the path that I will choose to take.

This song reminds me of my friend and every other person who has let me talk to them about how I felt. It puts the picture of all of the good people I have surrounded myself with who have helped me reflect on past experiences and helped me grow from them. This song also reminds me that it’s not about the setbacks I’ve had, the mistakes that I’ve made, but how there is something to take away from each challenge. The most beautiful thing about each of us is that we have a choice, the choice of how we react to every situation, and the ability to do better in the future. When I hear this song I have a sense of gratitude for the people who have been put in my life and the opportunity for my star to continue to flame in whatever way I choose.