I am going down the hill of the log-jammer ride. I feel the log rolling over the crest of the hill. Everyone is relaxing and blowing things off and caring less and less. Some people just don’t even come to school anymore. And all I can do is sit back and observe. I wish I were them. I wish that I had senioritis.
For my entire life I have been dedicated to doing my best. In preschool I was able to read stories to my classmates who were still learning the alphabet. In elementary school I was a straight ‘A’, teacher’s pet, tattle-telling little girl. And now I am the girl who goes home to do her AP Stat homework on a Friday night. I have trained myself to stay focused for so long that I just can’t stop. I tell myself, “You aren’t doing your homework tonight. It doesn’t even matter.” But I always end up doing it anyway. I even wrote a sticky note that I posted by my bed that says “I don’t care. I’m a senior.” just to remind myself that I can let go and have fun. So much for that.
I am constantly bombarded with kids saying things like “Yeah I’m coming in late tomorrow” and “I just decided not to study.” You would think that I would be influenced by it. I want to be influenced by it. But some unknown force is holding me back. I feel like I still have so much work and so many tests and projects that I can’t just stop. I am a fourth quarter senior and I am as stressed as ever. Help me!